Spooky.

Album: Delirium Cordia
Artist: Fantômas
Genre: Dada Metal/Ambient Terror
Year: 2004
Label: Ipecac

I’ve been wondering about writing recently. Specifically, I’ve been wondering if I, being a fairly competent writer can, on a whim, write an excellent piece of music review or if I need some kind of divine inspiration. I’ve had moments of intense inspiration and these have lead to some of my better works. At the same time, when I write without having had one of these moments, I still manage to bang out some kind of paper. Usually, those are pretty good too. You’re probably wondering what the point of all this is. Well, I’m now wondering if having a nightmare can count as divine inspiration. I think I’ve been gearing up to review this album for a while now, and having a nightmare seems like the perfect sign that it’s time to do it.

Fantômas is Mike Patton’s main band. I’ve already wrote about them at length during my previous job (ha ha), and that piece of writing is floating around on the internet somewhere… anyway, on to the album. Each Fantômas album is centered on a different theme and this one’s is a doozy. “Delirium Cordia” is like the soundtrack to an unmade horror film, dark, ominous and filled with an overwhelming sense of dread. The theme this time around is surgery…without anesthetic. Whereas previous Fantômas albums were spastic rides through a realm of jump-cut metal, “Delirium” is a much more drawn out affair. It’s one track long, clocking in at 1:14:17 which makes for a unique listening experience. It’s like a movie with no scene selection, no ability to jump directly to anything, you’re in for the duration. The album begins with the sound of a needle hitting a groove, and then the lights go out and the horror show begins. Operatic, howling vocals, dark ambient stretches and abrupt explosions of noise are the game pieces involved and they are used to terrifying effect. This more than any other Fantômas album drips with Patton’s dementia. Guitarist King Buzzo (Melvins), Bass Player Trevor Dunn (Trevor Dunn’s Trio Convulsant) and Drummer Dave Lombardo (Slayer) all contribute in their own way, but only when and where Patton directs them to and sparsely even then. They do get moments to shine though, like about ten minutes in when Dunn’s bass sludges its way through the slowest and most protracted solo you will ever hear in your life. Another great moment is the jazzy piano piece about sixteen minutes in, sounds very noir, like Bohren and Der Club of Gore.

The album isn’t all ambiance, of course, the dark void from which it emerges is filled with samples (mostly of a surgery going wrong), booming distant drums and more creepy sounds than Wes Craven can shake a stick at. As the album goes on the sense of dread builds and builds until eventually it peaks and all we’re left with is the sound of a record skipping…for the last twenty minutes. As I said before, the album is like a soundtrack to an unmade horror film. The exact nature of the film seems like this; a man goes in for surgery and when he goes under, he awakes in a nightmarish version of his reality where bizarre and horrible things happen. Meanwhile, the doctors race furiously to save his life. Cliché? Maybe, but when you reach the end of the album, it’ll be up to you to determine whether or not the man escapes his nightmare and lives, or succumbs to it and dies? I’m not sure which; I guess I’ll have to see the movie.

Clear Your Mind of all that Guitar Hero Bullshit and Listen to This

It is incredibly easy for me to review something negatively. All I have to do is use my gigantic vocabulary and love of a good cuss fest to rip, tear, shred and otherwise reduce something I think should be dead into a pile of steaming rubble. I have done this on several occasions and it gives me a rush of energy similar to what cocaine addicts must feel after their first snort of the day. And while it’s all fun to spit in the eye of musicians who are wasting your, my and everyone else’s time, it is, again, easy and doesn’t bring positive energy into the world. So noting that, I would like to say something good about something.

Album: Clearing
Artist: Fred Frith
Genre: Solo Guitar
Year: 2001
Label: Tzadik

Yes, Solo Guitar is a genre. I decided to review this album almost purely at random and my decision may not have been the best one. But I do like this album as Fred Frith is something of a genius when it comes to the guitar. While the world is filled with these wanktastic guitar solo loving assholes, Frith is like a cool drink of water to quench your thirst for something both refreshing and genuinely original. There aren’t any words, just guitar and probably some pedals. It is simple, beautiful music that would probably please even the Buddha with its grace, minimalism and dare I say Zen. That’s what this is, Zen Guitar.

Frith was originally the guitar player for Henry Cow, an Avant-Garde British act that I’ve heard great things about but never heard. Since Cow, Frith has collaborated with everyone from Bill Laswell to John Zorn, occasionally at the same time. Indeed, one of Frith’s more insane moments was as the bass player for Zorn’s Naked City, a Thrash Jazz act which would discombobulate you with a flick of the wrist and then tear you a new one, all under a minute. But that’s off topic. Clearing is nothing like that. It is, again, simply beautiful, with Frith’s minimalist guitar creating delicate paintings of aural grace. I know I keep repeating myself, but that’s only so I get my point across that this music is brilliant, in a very subtle way.

Individual tracks would be poorly described with words and are better to just experience. I feel to continue talking at this juncture would just be a waste. So, go get this album now. The next time you’re in the need for Zen, put it on. If tracks like The Bow Moon and Open Ocean don’t convince you that there is beauty in the world, then nothing else will. That’s all.

Andwoo VS. Vampire Weekend

Now, I have been having writers block which is an absolute pain in the ass and getting on my nerves. In an effort to destroy this condition in a manner similar to smashing china plates with a hammer, I’m going to be writing and posting at least one review a week from now till the end of summer. I believe it is both healthy and professional to do this. I don’t know if anyone actually reads this thing, but I’ll be damned if I see my writing fall off because of something like boredom.

Album: Vampire Weekend
Artist: Vampire Weekend
Year: 2008
Genre: Indie Pop Rock
Label: XL

Now, I have decided to review Vampire Weekend because it’s been awhile since I tore into something with my fangs, rend it and subsequently threw it on the roof to bleed to death. First off, it has come to my attention that while I was off having a good time with Lillian (my girlfriend, we got Thai food,) the world was having hysterics over this band from New York called Vampire Weekend. Because, apparently, they’re the best/freshest/hippest thing to hit music since Mozart… actually just The Strokes (who’re neither fresh nor hip,) but you see my point. Why this is is a mystery to me, because weeks later, after acquiring Vampire Weekend and listening to it a few times I have to say WHAT THE FUCK? I’ll say it again, WHAT THE FUCK? Because this really sucks (insert Vampire joke here.)

Now, Vampire Weekend gets props for trying something new. What it sounded like to me was some sort of worldly keyboard funkiness which apparently doesn’t sound like anything that’s come before. Actually, it sounds as if early DNA had been a pathetic pop outfit instead of a No Wave Noise fest, sort of. Yes I acknowledge the fact that on this record the Keyboards and Drums take more of a spotlight then the Guitar, but so what. The truth is, is that anytime someone tries something new I’ll give them props for effort, but when it sucks just as much as everything else that’s come before then there isn’t a fucking point is there? Really, what’s the point of hyping all of this innovative sound if said sound is total shit.

Also, that voice. If I sounded like that I would start smoking and drinking heavy liquor so that I either A) get so blitzed that I forget how bad I sound Or B) my voice gets so raspy that I sound like Tom Waits for the rest of my life and die from lung cancer at an early age and therefore am spared the sound of my own voice. The voice is whiney and weak, so much so that it makes any merit the music might have had be swept away in a flood of crap that flows from his mouth. Mind you, there wasn’t that much merit there to begin with. Yes I am a professional, and yes I hate this band. Not because they are super hard on the ears but because of how easy and simple they are. There is no substance here, nothing that will hold my, or anyone else’s interest for more then five seconds. And for that matter, it’s been a few weeks so nobody is going to give a fuck about Vampire Weekend at all. Everyone’s moved on to something else now, so again, what was the fucking point. If you did make the mistake of purchasing Vampire Weekends debut (something I avoided, thank you tape trading,) my advice is to use it as a Frisbee, because that would make it sufficiently more interesting then, say, the music of Vampire Weekend. That’s all.

Post Script.

In a bout of rage and unprofessionalism, I swore up a storm, gratuitously using the word Now and Fuck to my hearts content in describing this piece of crap band. Normally, I try to reign in my the furious tirade of swear words gathering behind the gate of my mouth but this time the flood was too great to be stopped and so I just let go. And you know what? It’s fun to swear and the impact is greater because I don’t do it that often (on paper). So while this may be my least professional piece of work, I can guarantee you that this band (Bloodsucking Weakness) is absolutely worth the full range of my ire-ridden vocabulary. Because, as I have already said, they are bullshit munches. Poor vocals, unimaginative music, lack of actual innovation and so much hype that you could choke on it. All the perfect ingredients for my wrath.

Post-Rock and Post-Metal

I was introduced to the bands, if not the concept, of Post-Rock by my friend Ani. If not for her, I would probably have taken a lot longer to find out about some these groups. Post-Rock is characterized by grand orchestral arrangements for rock music, and I don’t mean rock opera or anything like that. The music is expansive, like looking out at a sweeping landscape or vista. Its music that is either uplifting or dooming on an epic, sometimes apocalyptic scale. Bands in this category of music include Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Explosions in the Sky, Mogwai and Sigur Ros, to name just a few.

Post-Rock is separated from similar genres like Progressive Rock (Prog Rock) by a few things. The first is while Prog Rock is still based around the idea of a rock band, Post-Rock feels like it’s going beyond those constraints, hence its name Post-Rock. Another thing that separates them is that while a guitarist in a Prog Rock band might take time to solo off into infinity, in Post-Rock guitars play a more integral, rather than standoutish, role. The guitars have a more cascading or ambient feel to them, rather than a more in-your-face feel in other genres. In the case of Sigur Ros, guitarist/lead vocalist Jón Þór Birgisson plays the guitar with a cello bow, giving the now traditional instrument an otherworldly, alien feeling.

Post-Rock is often, but not always, instrumental. Even Godspeed You! has had guest vocalists, who usually recite poetry rather than sing. Sigur Ros is an exception in that they have a regular vocalist, but there’s a twist. Sigur Ros created their own language or voice music, depending how you look at it, for their albums. I already can’t understand Icelandic, but they’ve taken it a step further by singing in a made up language. Often, Post-Rock groups go beyond typical guitar, bass and drum arrangements to create music. Godspeed You! incorporates numerous string instruments into their arrangements as well as trumpets, samples and found sounds. Another group, A Silver Mt. Zion (which incidentally, shares members with Godspeed You!) is closer to a full on orchestra than a rock band. Explosions in the Sky counterparts this mentality with a three guitar and drums line-up. Do Make Say Think have a jazzy style which sets them apart from the rest of the Post-Rock scene (if such a thing exists?)

Lots of Post-Rock is played in major keys, which lend an epic, uplifting feeling to the music. When played in minor keys, the intricate music brings a crushing sense of doom and gloom, more so then most rock music. Likewise, the more major key focused groups bring on a sense of transcendence, or they do for me anyways.

Post-Metal is a slightly different beast than Post-Rock, usually more in line with Progressive Metal and Sludge Metal. In fact, Post-Metal can often be seen as a halfway point between Post-Rock and Sludge Metal, especially in the case of groups like Isis and Pelican. Others, like Kayo Dot, take on a more experimental side. The term Post-Rock has been called “an invention of "hipper-than-now taste-makers" by constellation records, but once a title like that is made, it’s hard to distance yourself from it. Also, it may be a title with serious possibilities of pretension, but it’s simply a title, and nothing else. These groups may not like it, but Post-Rock does at time describe their music very well. It’s an excellent genre, and all of the musicians involved are exceptionally talented, or else they wouldn’t be there.

-Listening Guide-

Godspeed You! Black Emperor (Canada)
-F#A# (Infinity)
-Lift You Skinny Hands like Antennas to Heaven
-Yanqui U.X.O.

Explosions in the Sky (USA)
-How Strange, Innocence
-Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever

A Silver Mt. Zion (Canada)
-Born Into Trouble As the Sparks Fly Upwards
-13 Blues for Thirteen Moons

Do Make Say Think (Canada)
-& Yet & Yet

Mogwai (Scotland)
-Cody

Dirty Three (Australia)
-Ocean Songs

Red Sparowes (USA)
-At the Soundless Dawn

Sigur Ros (Iceland)
-Ágætis byrjun

Team Sleep (USA)
-Team Sleep (Somewhere between Post-Rock and Trip-Hop)

Pelican (USA)
-The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw
-City of Echoes

Russian Circles (USA)
-Enter

Isis (USA)
-Panopticon

This is only a place to start, most of the groups here have more than what I’ve listed. This is simply my collection.

Writers Block

I have writers block, hence the lack of writing. So, here are some things I wrote a while ago, but havn't gotten aroudn to posting till now. Enjoy.