PEACE! WE OUTTA HERE!

The Third Rail is shut down for good. See y'all later. Here's the new blog:

http://andrewthesoundguardian.blogspot.com/

Cheers!

Don't Turn Off The Lights

Album: The Bunny Boy
Artist: The Residents
Genre: Avant-Garde
Year: 2008
Label: MVD Audio/Santa Dog

The Residents scare me. I don’t know if I can say that about any other band I have ever encountered. I probably couldn’t go to a Residents concert because I can barely sit down and listen to their records for fear of what I might hear. The singsong lyrics about being a butcher, the creepy synths and black guitars are almost too much to bear… almost. The other problem with The Residents is that they’re fascinating, in a sick and twisted way. Some people research serial killers and mysterious disappearances, I research The Residents. The fact that they’ve remained almost entirely anonymous over their 30+ year career is unsettling to me because it means that they could be anybody. If their music wasn’t so frightening this might not be so bad, but their music is scarier than any horror movie you’ve ever seen. I sometimes fear that the lyrics here come from first hand experience and not just dark imaginings.

This latest album, The Bunny Boy, is just as absurd and spine tingling as their older works, proving that these spooks haven’t run out of ideas yet. What is it about bunnies? In Donnie Darko there was a giant bunny predicting the end of the world. In David Lynch’s INLAND EMPIRE there was a room with three bunny-people who made off hand remarks to a laugh track. Why bunnies? Who knows, but now, thanks to Donnie Darko, Mr. Lynch and now, The Residents - bunny rabbits are ruined for me. The Bunny Boy is 19 tracks of demented psychosis and off-kilter terror tactics and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stomach a second listen. This is not because the music is bad, far from it. The Residents are very competent musicians. No, the reason I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it a second time is because I don’t want some of these images imprinted onto my brain a second time.

I wouldn’t exactly call The Residents accessible, but this release is certainly more pop-song oriented than others. The sex-clown narrative of Tweedles! Comes to mind, as well as the sound collages of Third Reich and Roll. Both of those albums are difficult listens for very different reasons. The Residents once again have managed to invert Pop-sensibilities for their own dark purposes. All the songs are short, the longest being four minutes and 42 seconds, but just because they’ve got pop song structure doesn’t mean that these are pop songs. It’s not like they’re trying very hard to disguise them either, you’re never going to hear songs like “I Killed Him” or “Boxes of Armageddon” played on even the most forward thinking radio stations. If you did, it probably means the end is nigh.

At one point in their career, on the album Duck Stab/Buster & Glen especially, there was a sort of humor about The Residents. They were kind of creepy, but they were also kind of funny. Not anymore. These days, if there is humor in The Residents delivery, it’s lost on me. I can’t listen to songs like “The Dark Man” or “Black Behind” without feeling my skin crawl. They’re trying to scare me and they’re succeeding. Be careful with this stuff. You don’t know who’s been handling it. It could be anyone. It could be me. You could be a Resident and not even know it. Now that’s creepy.

We Don't Need A Doctor... We Need A Victim... We Need A Sacrifice!

Album: Thelema EP
Artist: The Murder City Devils
Genre: Garage Rock/Punk
Year: 2001
Label: Sup Pop

The Murder City Devils were Seattle’s loudest, rowdiest gothic pirate punk pummel band and they can and will kick your ass to the curb. Then, they will curb stomp your face again and again while a deathly organ plays and crowds of ravenous demons bay for blood and down gallons of fine wine. That’s a lot to take in, especially the horns on the demon’s heads. But the music of The Devils is actually fairly simple and easy to swallow. Fast. Loud. Screaming. Rock. It doesn’t take a neuro scientist to figure it out.

Thelema was the Devils’ final EP before breaking up, and it proves that some bands go out at the top of their game. They weren’t gone for long however. The Devils reunited in 2006 and have been sporadically performing since. I discovered them through their drummer, Coady Willis, who is also a member of Heavy Metal duo, Big Business and Sludge Metal lords, the Melvins. Following the trail of breadcrumbs back to the Devils was a thoroughly rewarding find and they’ve become one of my favorite finds in recent memory. Really, what’s not to like? Rock N’ Roll was meant to be this way, with aggressive guitars and slurred, rabid vocals begging for forgiveness, like on “Bride of the Elephant Man.” This is actually one of the Devils slower numbers, but Spencer Moody (the voice of the Devils) is not going to croon on this one. His ragged, howling voice pleads with John Merrick (The Elephant Man of fame) to not “be angry when he meets his maker” and tells him that “his prayers were heard first”. The lyrics coming out of Moody’s mouth don’t always make sense, but manage to cover a lot of topics, ranging from pirate tales to occult ceremonies. The pirate story, “Bear Away” is probably my favorite track from the EP, if not my favorite Devils track period. Another slower number, the track features some of Leslie Hardy’s finest organ playing as well as some of Moody’s most furious cries into the night. You picture him, whisky bottle in one hand, microphone in the other and have a hard time not following his advice when he screams “you better run for cover!” before roaring “we need a martyr, we need a victim, we need a sacrifice!!!”

At twenty minutes in length, the Thelema EP is a short but sweet trip into Murder City. The band is at their best, with punk guitar rippers and soaring gothic organs. The drums pound with a primitive rage and the bass rumbles like a great boiler. Over all of this, Moody’s raspy bellow explodes, grabbing your attention like an undead cowboy’s lasso. “That’s What You Get” and “One Vision Of May” are the cannon blasters, breaking everything in the room and leaving you begging for more. “Bear Away”, “Midnight Service at the Mutter Museum” and “Bride of the Elephant Man” are the slower, heavier tracks, giving the EP it’s weight. But how does the EP end? It ends with the unholy bizarre “364 Days” which Moody describes at the beginning of the track as “an open letter to St. Nicolas.” It’s a waltzing song that paints a sad picture of an alcoholic Santa Claus all alone at the North Pole. It’s a sad ending to an excellent EP and the punctuation mark at the end of the Devils short but exceptional studio output. With any luck, you will enjoy this EP as much as I did and will go on a deeper sojourn into the Murder City. It’s a dangerous trip, but a fun one.

White Light! White Hate!

Album: White Hate
Artist: Beta Popes
Genre: Death Metal
Year: 2008
Label: Veal

The Beta Popes are going to destroy you. A Power Doom Trio, The Popes are what happens when three Jazz heads form a Death Metal band. The result is a crushing sound that will sunder your soul and reduce you to rubble. With Bobby Previte (drums,) Jamie Saft (guitar) and Skerik (vocals and saxophone) you’d expect things to be a bit less sludgy and a bit more jumping. But no, the Popes are not Jazz. They’re METAL. IN ALL CAPS, BABY. They’ve been born of Satan to deliver the world into a new dark age of frogmen and carrion crows and no one can stop them. They don’t care if you like their music and, quite frankly, probably want you to go deaf listening to it.

Besides being Death Metal played by Jazz heads, Beta Popes is an unusual band, in my opinion, because of the instrument and vocal assignments. There’s nothing strange about the guitar/drums/vocals setup, it’s who’s on them that’s different. I know Saft for his organ and keyboard work, not his guitar, let alone Metal guitar. The sound of it is like butter being churned in the pits of hell, with a rusty iron rod. But stranger than Saft’s guitar are Skerik’s vocals. This is a recurring problem I have with Skerik. He’s one of the best saxophone players I have ever heard, but finding him actually playing the saxophone can be a bit difficult at times. He often filters his horn through various electronic effects, giving us a saxophonic sound, and that can be hard to distinguish from other electronic atmospherics of his main band Critters Buggin’. But here, I’m even more confused by his place as vocalist. Skerik! What are you doing man? A Death Metal band with a deep, resonant sax blast is just what the doctor ordered. But no, instead, we have his warped and distorted vocal delivery, buried pretty deep in the mix. With a sax man like Skerik in the band, it seems like a waste to put him on something like vocals. With the Beta Popes, Skerik does play the sax occasionally, but it’s on the high and squalling end of things, and not too coherent.

But this isn’t Skerik’s show; it’s Previte’s. The drums are like a brick wall breaking apart and falling down all around you. They’re the most dynamic element of the music, as Saft’s guitars get a little too repetitive. I have no real technical drum knowledge, but I know what I like and these are some thunderous beats that Previte’s chunking out. The album these men have created is far from what I would call accessible. It’s four tracks, but 50 minutes in length. The shortest take, “Burning Witch”, is roughly 7 minutes long. The three main pieces of the album, “Zondervan”, “Kabla” and “Chalice of Death” are all over ten minutes long and they love to grind. There isn’t much variation here and “Chalice”, at nearly twenty minutes, is a lengthy, tough listen. Ironically, it’s also got the fastest tempo of any of the tracks.

The basic formula is this: Previte lays down a beat, which is subject to alterations, Saft layers his thick guitar lines on top of that and Skerik howls his heart out somewhere in the middle. It’s not the sort of thing you’d expect from these musicians but it strangely works. If you like Avant-Garde Death Metal, then this stuff is for you. If you like your music to have pop sensibilities or melodies, I suggest you look elsewhere.

Fireworks. In The Form Of Rock 'N' Roll

Album: Body Language EP
Artist: Monotonix
Genre: Garage Rock
Year: 2008
Label: Drag City

My first experience with Monotonix was a short one. At Bumbershoot last year, I was reading The Stranger, trying to figure out what band to see next when I ran across a full page spread on Monotonix, an Israeli Garage Punk band from Tel Aviv who were known for wild antics beyond compare. The more I read, the more intrigued I became. The drummer who played the kick drum with his face, the wild front man, the fires… the fires… I knew I had to see this band. I looked at my watch; we had fifteen minutes to get all the way across the Seattle Center to the exhibition hall. I quickly rallied my friends and we took off for the show. When we arrived in the exhibition hall, I realized that the band had set up on the floor and that actually seeing them was out of the question. But we could still hear them.

In retrospect, I’m not entirely sure what I heard, a wall of punk sound and front man Shalev’s howling. At one point, Shalev climbed up on the stage and mooned the crowd. The only sight I had of the band was when guitarist Gat and Shalev started crowd surfing. They played for about fifteen minutes, when suddenly, the lights came back on and everything stopped. The show was over as suddenly as it had begun and people began to file out. It was weird. I later found out that the band had made a deal with the fire marshal not to crowd surf, which they went ahead and did anyways. This got their show canceled. When I got home, the first thing I did was purchase their Body Language EP.

The music of Monotonix is unsophisticated, uncomplicated Rock. Just three guys, two instruments and a voice. It’s a formula you hear repeated a lot, but Monotonix do it so well you couldn’t ask anything else. It’s catchy, it rocks, it thrashes and afterwards, you want to do it all over again. The producer did an excellent job of capturing the bands high energy in this recording. It’s hard to be energetic in the studio and these guys bring fire and brimstone to their sound. It’s not a long EP, twenty-three minutes, but that way the band doesn’t wear out their welcome. Six tracks is the perfect length I think and each one is a keeper. The best take though, is certainly the head banging opener “Lowest Dive.” Gat isn’t a flashy guitarist, but it’s not about flash, it’s about the dirtiest, loudest riff you can manage and that’s really all you need, fuck stunt guitars. Drummer Haggai Fershtman’s style isn’t glamorous; it’s simple, steady and punk, though that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get to show off from time to time. A perfect example is the furious conflagrations of percussive sound early on in “No Metal.”

With music this loud and in-your-face, you need an obnoxious, in-your-face vocalist to antagonize and entertain your listeners. Monotonix has that in Ami Shalev, a wild man who was clearly meant to live and die for Rock N’ Roll. His songs are outrageous and uplifting. His delivery is out of control. He’s like a hairier, crazier, Israeli version of Eugene Hutz of Gogol Bordello, from hell. I’ve read tales of him lighting himself and everything in his sight on fire, in the name of Rock N’ Roll. In many ways, to me, Monotonix feels like the legacy of Iggy and the Stooges made manifest: a band with fury, fire and a front man who’ll do everything and anything for Rock. The world needs bands like Monotonix, just like we needed the Stooges, and we’re lucky to have them.

I’d love to turn you on to PRIMUS

I love weird music. But how do you define weirdness? You don’t usually define it, you just know it when you hear it and Primus take weirdness to new and unusual levels. First of all, what is Primus? The answer to that is simple: Primus is a band. A trio, in fact. What kind of music do they play? That is a much more difficult question to answer. If I had to guess? Psychedelic Funk Rock with a lemon twist and a dash of Metal. They’ve had highs (Pork Soda) and lows (Antipop) and continue to stride forward, unabashedly bouncing, shredding and pounding their way through all known catastrophe and calamity. They’ve tasted popularity, been the idol of millions and yet have managed to maintain their creative soul and unique personality. This is no small feat in this age of manufactured pop and arena rock bullshit. When asked what kind of band Primus is I simply say “Primus” because that’s what they are.

They’re not a Metal band (though they’re heavier and thrashier than Metallica when called upon) and they’re not funk (but Bootsy Collins is probably green with envy at Les Claypool’s thumping bass lines.) They can play both these genres and many more, but their sound remains simply Primus. The setup is not all that unique. A guitar, some drums and a bass with vocals splashed here and there. What’s so special about that? What’s special is the players. Tim Alexander’s drumming is fierce, precise and sharp as a tack. In terms of capability behind the kit, he’s up there with drummers like Danny Carey of TooL and Dale Crover of the Melvins, though his style is nothing like either of those two. Larry Lalonde’s guitar can go from funky tweaks to metallic crunches to Zappa-esque soloing madness in the space of a second. His style takes it’s cues from all of the aforementioned (Funk, Metal, Zappa) and combines numerous playing techniques to form his left of center riffage. The center of Primus’s music, though, is, without doubt, Les Claypool’s bass. Not content to sit in the background, the sound jumps up and grabs you by the throat. It bounces, it thumps, it rumbles and it pops, once you’ve heard it you will always know it and it will always be a part of you. It is this sound that defines Primus more then anything else. Great as Lalonde and Alexander are, they will always be over shadowed by Claypool and his incredible bass work. The music that these three men create is certainly weird, but it is Les Claypool’s nasally voice and genuinely bizarre lyrics that give Primus songs their character. And they’re filled with characters. It’s as if Claypool lives on another planet and comes by from time to time to let us all know what’s going on there.

Professor Nutbutter, John The Fisherman, Tommy The Cat: All of these characters have surfaced at one time or another in Claypool’s music, each one bringing an odd tale or adventure to spice up the mix. Primus hasn’t recorded new material since 2003 and all of their members are involved in numerous side projects. Claypool is an accomplished solo artist and performs with various ensembles of his friends and allies, Lalonde just recently finished a stint with Serj Tankian’s band, The F.C.C. (Flying Cunts of Chaos) and Alexander has his Fata Morgana project, in which things take a very dark turn. Despite these busy schedules, Primus re-unites here and there to tour. These tours often take the structured music of their records into new and unexplored regions of jams, to great success. Primus doesn’t kick out the jams; it builds them up into colossi, mountains of music and oceans of sound that they then navigate like intrepid explorers. Is Primus weird? Definitely. Do they sound like any other band out there? Probably not. Does Les Claypool get carpal tunnel? Almost certainly. Should you listen to them? Yes, yes and yes.

Discography:

-Frizzle Fry-

Year: 1990

Primus’s first (Not counting the live album, Suck On This), most thrashing album. Still finding their sound on this one, but that doesn’t detract from it. Features the ripping “John The Fisherman,” an excellent stoner jam in the form of “Harold of the Rocks” and the metal tinged “Too Many Puppies.”

-Sailing The Seas of Cheese-

Year: 1991

The second, the one where they best and most clearly defined their sound that all the other albums would spring from. Considered to be their most fun album by some. Features a Tom Waits collaboration in “Tommy The Cat”, the speed slap bass of “Is It Luck?”, the anti-military anthem of “Sgt. Baker” and (my personal favorite) the smashingly barbequed riffage of “Those Damned Blue-Collar Tweakers.”

-Miscellaneous Debris-

Year: 1992

A collection of covers and the first album to feature Claypool’s six string Rainbow Bass. Reveals some of Claypool’s influences. Some of them are kind of surprising. Features twisted takes on the XTC classic “Making Plans for Nigel” and Pink Floyd’s “Have A Cigar.”

-Pork Soda-

Year: 1993

Their darkest, most alienating album. But possibly their best? Features one of their most well known songs: “My Name is Mud” with it’s distinctive bass rumblings as well as the sinking ship sounds of “Mr. Krinkle,” the sludgy funeral dirge of “Bob” and the hilarious nudity of “Nature Boy.”

-Tales from The Punchbowl-

Year: 1995

Their most Psychedelic album. This album was the last to feature Tim Alexander before his departure (he will return). Features their most well known song: “Wynonna’s Big Brown Beaver” with it’s ridiculous lyrics as well as the propellant shredder “Prof. Nutbutter’s House of Treats,” the hillbilly banjo of “De Anza Jig” and the tweaked out acid jam of “Over The Electric Grapevine.”

-Brown Album-

Year: 1997

The beginning of the Brain era. New drummer Brain joins after Alexander’s departure. The sound of the Brown Album is difficult to characterize. It sounds… well… brown and that’s not really a color I would want to associate with Primus. The band rarely, if ever, plays songs from this album live, mostly due to Alexander having returned at this point, but also just because they don’t seem to like it very much. Features what is possibly the only acoustic Primus song in “Over The Falls” and the jerky “Shake Hands With Beef.”


-Rhinoplasty-

Year: 1998

A second collection of covers. Not as good as Misc. Debris and doesn’t really have anything you terribly need. Features a pretty straight take on Metallica’s “The Thing That Should Not Be” and XTC’s “Scissor Man.”

-Antipop-

Year: 1999

Their weakest album. No doubt. The second of the Brain era. It should be noted, I think, that the weakness was not due to Brain’s joining the band, even though he helped the two weakest albums into being. Rather, it was just that these two albums took more experimental directions and for the most part those experiments were less than successful. The band never plays songs from this album live. It’s not all bad though. This is Primus’s most collaborative album. Tom Waits makes an appearance, as does Stewart Copeland, Tom Morello. Sadly, this album also features the Fred Durst produced “Lacquer Head” easily Primus’s weakest moment and worst collaboration idea. Claypool has gone on to regret this. The album doesn’t really feature any standout tracks. If I had to pick though? The Tom Waits collaboration “Coattails of a Deadman,” the Stewart Copeland produced “Dirty Drowning Man” and the epic “Eclectic Electric.”

-Animals Should Not Try to Act Like People-

Year: 2003

Just an EP, but it singled a return to greatness. Alexander returned as drummer, and it sounded as If he’d never been away. Better than the Brown Album and Antipop combined. It’s only real weakness? Only five tracks. The band hasn’t returned to the studio since this was released. Features the perplexing “The Last Superpower AKA Rapscallion” and the sorrowful “Mary The Ice Cube.”

Tom Waits: Already On Top of The Hill

Album: Real Gone
Artist: Tom Waits
Genre: Tom Waits
Year: 2004
Label: ANTI-

Tom Waits (a man who should require zero introduction) obviously doesn’t need a band anymore, but he continues to perform with one, probably more out of habit than actual necessity. I am only partially joking. Real Gone is Tom Waits most recent full-length album, released in 2004. It is the obvious continuation of Waits’s obsessions and introduces a few new ones. It’s also a rock solid work of art. Beginning with the whirly-gig weirdo funk of “Top Of The Hill,” the album lets you know the score immediately. Tom Waits’ raspy beat boxing is juxtaposed against Casey Waits’ turntables and Marc Ribot’s guitar, creating a bizarre collage of sounds for Tom to growl over.

Whoever had the idea to combine Tom Waits’ weathered vocals with something like turntable scratches is a complete genius. This isn’t the first time he’s done it, but it’s the only time he does so on this album. The marriage of the two opposing musical forces seems like it would cause the world to end, but it doesn’t, it just makes it a more interesting place to be. Lots of the tracks on this album feature Waits beat-boxing and noise making, providing his own backing for his eccentric stories and off-kilter ramblings.

Some Waits albums sound like they take place in some sort of smoky nightclub. But Real Gone takes us outside for the most part, lots of the album has the feel of being either on the street of some forgotten American town or perhaps the fields just outside of it. Other Waits albums have taken place in port towns or the middle of the desert, but Real Gone is a curious town where it always rains and the grass is greener on the other side. That’s all implied, none of it is stated. It’s one of the things that Waits is a master of: atmosphere. His stories take you to strange and fantastic places, which are nonetheless somewhat familiar, if you’ve ever gone traveling in the American wherever.

Waits’ band this time around is fantastic. I think it’s funny that John Zorn and Waits share the same standby guitarist in Marc Ribot, considering the mile wide divide between their musical styles. Ribot once stated that he has limited technical abilities because he learned how to play the guitar right handed, but I’ve never noticed anything particularly debilitated about his playing. Regardless, Ribot’s guitars can be bluesy, jazzy, or just ripping. He’s been working with Waits since 1985 and their relationship is cemented in the way their instruments complement each other. Ribot is the perfect guitarist for Waits, not too flashy, but raw and more technically proficient than a punk guitarist.

Meanwhile, the percussion. Rather than an actual drum set, Waits appears to have gone the Skeleton Key route in assembling junk percussion sets to be banged on by Brain of all people. For those who don’t know, Brain has drummed for Praxis, Primus and Guns N’ Roses. He’s a man, a myth, a pseudo-Mexican and this is some of the most interesting stuff he’s ever done. His real drum stuff is great, no question, but the stuff he’s battering here sounds like it was built in a scrap yard and that gives it a unique sound not found in the rest of his work. The other musicians include Larry Taylor, Casey Waits (Tom Waits’ son) and Les Claypool (in a very understated role) among others.

Lots of people come to Waits’ albums for the lyrics. Stories really, stories about the downtrodden, the absurd, the bizarre and the love lost. Some of it is Beefheartian ridiculousness, like the roaring boot stomper of “Hoist That Rag”, and some of it is deadly serious, like the acoustic anti-war anthem of “Day After Tomorrow, but it’s all genius. The combination of these musicians, Waits’ cantankerous delivery and the rough n’ tumble production make this one of the most fascinating and just plain fun listens Tom has ever put together.

The Shortest Review I've Ever Done? Yep...

Album: One Cello X 16: Natoma
Artist: Zoe Keating
Genre: Classical
Year: 2005
Label: Zoe Keating.

There is very little to say about Zoe Keating, but all of it is good. A former member of Rasputina, Keating is a cellist who creates entire symphonies simply using her one cello and a couple of samplers. Here’s how it works: She’ll hit a button and play one piece of the music, which is then recorded. Upon hitting another button that piece is saved, looped and played back, allowing her to continue the process and gradually build entire orchestras of cellos using just her one instrument.

This is by no means an easy thing to do. It takes a very attentive ear to know when to add and subtract each individual piece and not have the whole thing fall apart due to a single error. When done right, which she does, the effect is really quite stunning and the music is utterly beautiful. This album, One Cello X 16: Natoma is wonderfully crafted and a thoroughly rewarding listen from start to finish. Each piece is exquisite and conveys an epic sort of beauty that you just don’t find in other instruments. The cello is probably my favorite classical string instrument and with maestros like Keating directing their movements, that is unlikely to change anytime soon.

The Foetus of Excellence

Album: Damp
Artist: Foetus
Genre: Industrial/Classical/Swing
Year: 2006
Label: Ectopic Ents

J.G. Thirlwell is one of the most confounding composers in the musical world. Second generation No Waver, Industrial pioneer, Big Band bastardizer, orchestral composer and Film Score maniac, he is all of these things and more. You’ve probably heard of his most prolific and primary project Foetus, or one of its many incarnations: Foetus Interruptus, You’ve Got Foetus On Your Breath, Foetus Under Glass, Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel and, my personal favorite, The Foetus of Excellence, among others. He also records instrumental pieces under the names Steroid Maximus and Manorexia, the first of which was founded in order to make Foetus a more vocal focused project. With a name like Foetus, it would be easy to quickly pigeonhole Thirlwell’s musical output into something dark and foreboding without even hearing it.

Thirlwell may have started out as a No Wave influenced Industrial madman, but he’s grown far outside the confines of his original genre. A man of taste when it comes to music (if not names) Thirlwell began incorporating elements of Swing and Classical into his Industrial assaults, giving us warped and twisted music that would satisfy both black clad counter-culture night timers, and people who just want to do the Charleston. Actually, now I think about it, it probably didn’t satisfy anyone, it probably just pissed everyone off to hear a composer trying to bring such disparate elements of music together. But I think Industrial and Swing are surprisingly workable genres and can be fused into a thing of blacked and scorched beauty. Thirlwell’s music is indeed dark, foreboding and sometimes downright disturbing. But it’s a lot more complicated than that on his recent release, Damp.

Damp is a collection of odds and ends from the recent Foetus years and holds together extremely well as an album, rather than a compilation. Sure it’s got some stuff taken from previous releases, but most of it is pretty new and never been heard anywhere else before. It also focuses more on Thirlwell’s orchestral side than it does on the Industrial, giving us some of the first instrumental Foetus pieces since 1988’s Thaw. The album begins with the bombastically sinister swinger, “I Hate You All” which is probably the most dynamically explosive track on the album cause after this, things slow down significantly. This album shows off Thrilwell’s compositional chops in a way that more Industrial works like Thaw or Rife would fail at. One of the greatest orchestral pieces that Thrilwell has ever composed is the album’s sixteen minute final “Cold Shoulder.” It’s the perfect horror movie piece, all haunting strings and creepy atmosphere. It’s slow and minimal, but it’s also terrifying and sends shivers up your spine. If you listen to this at night, I guarantee nightmares.

This album is also home to Thirlwell’s single collaboration with Sludge Metal kings, the Melvins. The track “Mine Is No Disgrace” originally appeared on the Melvins 2000 album The Crybaby. That doesn’t mean it’s out of place here, it fits right in with the rest of Thirlwell’s dark works. The track was composed with Buzz Osborne of the Melvins, but I don’t know whether Thirlwell wrote any of the music or not. He may have just provided the lyrics. Thirlwell’s lyrics are never about happy things and “Mine Is No Disgrace” is no exception. Murder, abuse, self-loathing, misanthropy… none of these are unusual for Thirlwell. “Mine Is No Disgrace” is largely minimal in its composition, with periodic blasts of thunderous sound. The song was one of the best tracks on The Crybaby and is subsequently one of the best tracks on Damp.

Those hearing Thirlwell’s work for the first time are probably going to think “wow, his band must be killer,” which is true, except it’s not a band, it’s just him. Which is incredible, all things considered. Having to record all of the parts separately and then piece them together yourself has got to be a difficult and time-consuming task. So to hear the finished product be as fantastic as this is nothing short of stunning. The album has its weak moment, in the form of a Phylr remix of “Blessed Evening” from 2005’s Love, but that’s really it in terms of bad material. This album is incredibly strong for being just a collection and is a worthy addition to any Foetus collection. It also might not be a bad place to start if you’re new to Foetus as it introduces some of Thirlwell’s most sophisticated non-Industrial work to date.

Frogs On The Wing: The Frog Brigade Part 2

Album: Live Frogs: Set 2
Artist: The Les Claypool Frog Brigade
Genre: Experimental Rock
Year: 2001
Label: Prawn Song

Animals is something of an oddity in the Pink Floyd universe. Not very well known and comprised of three very long songs, an intro and an outro, it’s sandwiched uncomfortably between better known albums Wish You Were Here and The Wall, both of which blew every ones socks off. So when Les Claypool states at the end of “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” “We’ll be back in twenty minutes, with more Pink Floyd than any human should ever withstand” It seems unlikely that the crowd expected the Frog Brigade to launch into a rendition of Animals in it’s entirety. Set two of the Frog Brigade’s epic concert experience remains pretty damn true to the original Floyd work. Of course, being preformed by the Claypool and friends, it is subject to a little bit of variation and exciting weirdness. Skerik is a factor as is Eenor, the two musicians providing extra helpings of sound to the mix. Also, Claypool’s bass stands out a lot more than Roger Waters ever did, once again becoming the central element of the music. And then there's the voice. David Gilmour and Roger Waters were both pretty unremarkable as vocalists go; their true talents lay with their instruments and their song writing. Les Claypool isn’t a “good” singer, but his voice is far more distinct than either Gilmour or Waters. But as with most Pink Floyd and/or Les Claypool compositions, the vocals are not the most important aspect (not including The Wall, but Roger Waters really needs to stop whining,) the music is though.

As I already stated in my review of Set 1, the musicians here are all talent, no fooling around. Eeenor and Huth really shine on (you crazy diamond) this album, tackling Gilmour’s guitar solos with intensity and grace. But also of note is the interplay between Skerik and Eenor on "Pigs (Three Different Ones.)" The guitar and saxophone play off of each other and intertwine, getting progressively more and more exuberant. Eventually though, Eenor’s guitar overpowers Skerik’s sax and takes off flying. Jeff Chimenti’s keyboards on "Dogs" are the highlight of that track and he does Richard Wright proud. I’m probably provoking some great cosmological catastrophe by suggesting that The Frog Brigade’s take on Animals is better than Floyd’s, but whatever. I think Les Claypool is a much more talented and respectable musician than Waters is, and I think that having Skerik and Eenor more than makes up for not having David Gilmour. Do I think that Chimenti is a better keyboardist than Wright though? That might actually be blasphemy. Chimenti is fantastic, no question, but better? No. Animals will never be my favorite Pink Floyd album, but Claypool and friends’ tackling of it has raised it pretty high in my eyes. Purists may balk, but let me tell you, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by listening to this rendition of Pink Floyd’s most underappreciated work.

Before They Were Fancy: The Frog Brigade Part 1

Album: Live Frogs: Set 1
Artist: The Les Claypool Frog Brigade
Genre: Experimental Rock
Year: 2001
Label: Prawn Song

Les Claypool’s solo albums have a notable hit and miss quality to them. In the studio, His Sausage and Holy Mackerel projects both fell under the miss label, though not for lack of trying. Meanwhile, his Oysterhead project with Trey Anastasio (Phish) and Stewart Copeland (The Police) was in the hit category. In similar manner, live albums are usually hit or miss. So it’s impressive to find that this album, being both one of Claypool’s solo efforts and a live album, is a hit. The Frog Brigade went through several incarnations before evolving into the Fancy Band, but this album captures them in one of their earlier forms. Six men strong, the Frog Brigade here is comprised of Jay Lane (drums, also of Sausage,) Todd Huth (guitar, also of Sausage,) Eenor (guitar,) Jeff Chimenti (keyboards, also of Ratdog,) Skerik (saxophone, also of Critters Buggin’) and, of course, Les Claypool (bass.) The Frog Brigade came together after an energy-less and idea-less Primus went on hiatus in the early 2000’s, each member moving to perform solo efforts. Claypool managed to create a project that stood on par with his best work with Primus, while the other members formed No Forcefield, which no one ever heard of till just right now. The sound of the Frog Brigade is similar to Primus, but with more instruments and more grand compositions leading to an overall bigger sound. The addition of keyboards and saxophone gives the music a more adventurous feel then the simple guitar/bass/drums set up.

What Claypool had was the good fortune to ally himself with top-notch musicians who were able to take a collection of unremarkable Holy Mackerel and Sausage tunes and two difficult covers and warp them into a conflagration of Jam Band goodness. Yes, yes. I know. I just used the J word. Well tough, cause that’s pretty much what the Frog Brigade is, a Jam Band. Luckily for everyone involved, there are no stoned, masturbatory solos into infinity and beyond on this record. There are solos to be sure, but they’re all within acceptable time frames, no one hundred and thirty-three minute snooze fests to bring the energy down. At seven tracks in length, the album is roughly sixty-six minutes long, because of the jams. The opening track, a cover of King Crimson’s “Thela Hun Ginjeet” is fourteen minutes long and is used as an opportunity to showcase each and every member of the band’s soloing skills. Chementi’s solo is particularly blistering. As with all Claypool music, the bass is at the center of the compositions, but here extra time is given over to the other members of the band. This is something Claypool is particularly good at, that is, sharing the limelight with the other members of his band and not stealing all the focus. Such talent is evidenced on track two “Riddles Are Abound Tonight” where Skerik’s saxophone takes center stage for two minutes of skronking mayhem. Another example is “Running The Gauntlet” during which Claypool takes time to introduce each member of the band, giving them time to solo. Everyone gets a solo except for Lane, which struck me as odd. As the drummer in this band, Lane holds everyone together and prevents them from losing their place in the grand scheme of things. It’s a common job for the drummer, but not one to be shirked or neglected.

One of the more interesting aspects of this album is that this was recorded before the Frog Brigade had developed original material of it’s own; all the tracks are either covers or from Claypool’s solo albums. The two covers “Thela Hun Ginjeet” and “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” are impressive because of the audacity with which they are executed. But, in my opinion, the songs taken from the Sausage and Holy Mackerel albums are more impressive, because it shows the Frog Brigade taking some fairly unremarkable Claypool compositions and making them forces to be reckoned with. The best example of this is probably “Hendershot” from the Holy Mackerel album, which on record was dry and uninteresting. But here, on this live record, the song is played with ferocious energy and features Skerik on a roaring Surf Saxophone solo. Of all the players here, Skerik is likely my favorite. Being from Seattle, I feel particular pride that my city produced such a fantastic musician. As I said before, live albums can be hit or miss and to find one that successfully captures a band at their live best is a rare and beautiful thing. Such is the beauty of this album.

To be continued...

Hollywood Undead = FAIL

Album: Swan Songs
Artist: Hollywood Undead
Genre: Shock Rap/Nu-Metal/Screamo.
Year: 2008
Label: A&M/Octone Records

Hollywood Undead is everything I hate about bad music all rolled into one giant ball of ick. I didn’t think this was possible, but they’ve actually created something more detestable than Bring Me The Horizon’s Suicide Season. That album, which I believe I referred to as the worst album in the world, was at least confined to one bad genre. Hollywood Undead, on the other hand, wants all to be the worlds first Horrorcore/Emo/Screamo/Crunk/Shock Rap/Nu-Metal/Wonderbread Mix. Any one of these genres is bad and any one of the bands that practice these genres are bad, but together? These genres combined create one of the most gallingly awful sounds I have ever heard. I swear I’m getting an ulcer just listening to them.

I think we established with my Slipknot review that the age of Rage Rock and Nu-Metal is dead. The corpse, however, seems to be making a strong effort to crawl its way out of the coffin. Slipknot’s most recent… no, I can’t call it an album… release was its most vigorous attempt yet, but the weight of the stones we piled onto the grave have been able to keep it down thus far. The problem is that this thing just won’t fucking die. We shot it, stabbed it, drowned it, set it on fire and threw it down a hole and still it clings to life like a leech clinging to your back. Still, its loathsome offspring try to dig it up and restore it to life. And still, way down in the hole, it gives birth to new malformed creatures that should have never been given life at all. Hollywood Undead is one of those unfortunate creatures and I feel a mixture of pity and revulsion as they enter the world. Mostly revulsion though.

Swan Songs is the six-piece’s debut recording and it sounds like Limp Bizkt combined with Eminem, with extra helpings of Heavy Heavy Low Low and Linkin Park. If you think that sounds bad, rest assured, it does. First of all, the Emcee’s, all six of them, have about as much lyrical skill as a dead puppy, and boy do they love to yap. The raps consist of a more or less constant stream of Faggot, Bitch, Bitch Faggot and Motherfucker with a few mentions of Punk-Ass here and there. When not spouting obscenities, the lyrics are an amalgam of the absolute worst Gangsta Rap and Emo clichés on the face of the planet. They’re homophobic, misogynistic and, to top it all off, posers.

Hollywood Undead say they ain’t nothin’ to fuck wit’ but they certainly are fuckwits and I love fucking with them. Furthermore, all of the voices on this album are more or less indistinguishable from one another. They’re all snotty, whiny, gravely or screaming and about as appealing as having a cockroach crawl down your throat. The music is shit too, all Crunk beats mixed with Metal guitars, a combination that comes from a special place in music, the one that makes me sick all over the floor. There really isn’t anything positive to say about Hollywood Undead. The music is bad, and, worse, it’s completely unoriginal. Anyone who survived the Nu-Metal era has heard this before. It was bad then, and remains bad now. If I thought they would listen, I would advise Hollywood Undead to make this an actual album of Swan Songs and call it a day, because if the girls you describe are as skanky as that, then you’re probably gonna get syphilis and die. Sorry.

It Tastes Better Than The Truth

Album: Nude With Boots
Artist: Melvins
Genre: Sludge Metal
Year: 2008
Label: Ipecac

The Melvins are an institution of weirdness. They’ve been around forever now, since 1983, I believe, that’s forever in dog years, right? Right. The band is more or less comprised of guitarist/vocalist Buzz Osborne, drummer Dale Crover and a random third member. Over the years, the band’s membership has been in flux, the inconsistent piece being the bass player. For whatever reason, the Melvins seem incapable of holding onto one for more than a few years at a time, and they’ve got quite a few ex-members. The most recent departure was Kevin Rutmanis, also of The Cows and Tomahawk, who was booted out of the band for drug use, supposedly. This left Buzz and Dale in a quandary: what to do next, right? Being a Sludge Metal band, it seemed important to have a bass player to provide a weighty end to the music. But as long as they’re getting a new bass player, they thought, why not get another drummer as well. So began the latest era of Melvimania, the era of the double drums of peace. The new members come in the form of Coady Willis (drums) and Jared Warren (bass) of low-end Assault Metal duo Big Business. Incorporating Big Business into their band was the best decision that Osborne and Crover have made in years as these two young bucks decisively augmented their already impressive sound. They’ve since released two albums with this new configuration, the supremely awesome (A) Senile Animal and the supremely bizarre Nude With Boots. We’re here to talk about the second one.

Nude With Boots is the latest release by the Melvins and it shows them to still be a powerhouse of Sludgy glory, a swamp beast from deep within the bog, come to ooze it’s way out onto civilization and take us back to a time when all that mattered was that your guitar could riff and your drums could pound. There is a sort of primal simplicity to their music and it doesn’t need to be complicated to be good. The Melvins are very technically proficient though, as is evident in the dueling drums of Crover and Warren. The pounding fury they generate is dynamic and potent, each one augmenting the other with their banging battery. The Melvins are one of those bands where you can actually hear the double drum sound, especially in the bass drums, which rumble and roll like nothing else.

Besides the drumming, the most recognizable aspect of the Melvins music is Buzz Osborne’s booming vocals. Melvins lyrics rarely if never make sense but, boy, do they take up space in the mix. On this album, like the last one, Osborne’s deep, resonant bellow is backed by each other member of the band, quadrupling the effect and giving the weighty vocals even more girth. But a Melvins album wouldn’t be complete without the raging riffage created by Osborne’s guitar. It’s grungy but not dated, hardcore with more then three chords and it solos something fierce, but not in that masturbatory, egotistical way. Without it, the Melvins wouldn’t have a prayer.

The Melvins are not a Grunge or Hardcore band though, and Nude With Boots is considerably more jammy than (A) Senile Animal was. With (A) Senile Animal, each song had a very tight structure and that was only broken for the ends of songs in which almost every track dissolved into a drum battle between Warren and Crover. But Nude With Boots is different, looser in many circumstances and with less of the grounded feel than it’s predecessor possessed. The jammyest track is probably the upbeat “Suicide In Progress” which begins life as… well… a jam, before changing tracks and devolving into the Melvins version of haunting minimalism, complete with Osborne intoning dark remarks about “little animals floating in the air”. The whole album has a more energetic (almost weirdly happy) atmosphere that has previously been unheard in their music. It contrasts starkly when weighed against other pieces of their work, especially the dark Pigs Of The Roman Empire, which was just about as menacing as you can get with the Melvins.

The finest moment on Nude With Boots comes with the thunderous screamer “The Smiling Cobra” which contains the chorus “There is no ending! And there’s no wonder why!!” which could very well be the finest description of the Melvins I’ve ever heard. Nude With Boots is an excellent continuation of the wonderful strangeness that is the Melvins, if you’re already a fan, you’ll love it. If you’ve never heard them before, it’s an excellent blend of their straight-ahead Sludge Rock and odder more experimental fare. Regardless, you should get it. Why? Cause I said so.

Something Nobody Cares About But Me!

Album: Moonchild – Songs Without Words
Artist: John Zorn
Genre: Hardcore Improv
Year: 2006
Label: Tzadik

Improvised music can, in the wrong hands, go horribly, horribly wrong. Thankfully for all involved, John Zorn understands how to improv with style and skill. The Moonchild Trio was birthed out of one of the darker corners of Zorn’s mind, leading him to seek out frequent collaborators Joey Baron (drums,) Trevor Dunn (bass,) and Mike Patton (voice) to form the ultimate Hardcore Improv group. Baron is one of Zorn’s most frequent allies and a fellow Masada performer and Dunn and Patton are both of the Dada Metal band Fantômas. Under John Zorn’s direction, they are a nightmare of improvisational extremes. Musically speaking, the Moonchild Trio is a pitch black ensemble that touches on elements of Metal, Hardcore and Noise Rock. It’s a very simple arrangement, just the three performers with Zorn conducting from the wings, but the sound goes all over the place.

Like Fantômas, Patton relies on voice music outside the confines of language alternately spitting, cursing and convulsing out whatever dark abstractions pop into his head. That’s where a major difference between this work and something like Fantômas lies. With Fantômas, Patton has a set plan that he follows to the letter, but here, he’s allowed to run wild, only reigned in by Zorn. Dunn’s high tuned bass playing may be mistaken for a guitar, but it takes us on some low end rides that could only be bass work. Also allowed more room to go wild, Dunn thrashes about with the best of them providing the weightiest aspect of the music. Joey Baron’s Jazz inflected drumming beats out the primitive rhythms that hold the music together. I think that of everyone involved, Baron is probably the most constricted, because he has to keep the beat. Despite this, though, he’s still allowed a lot of room to freak out. As previously mentioned, Zorn, instead of playing his skronking saxophone, oversees and conducts the affair, like a warlock in the style of Alistair Crowley, who the album’s inspiration is partly attributed to.

Zorn had the right idea to sit this one out, lest the project just turn into Painkiller (another of his bands) without Bill Laswell. Zorn has some black patches in his mind and this is definitely one of the darkest. The album’s themes are all related to dark magics of one kind or another and that feeling of evil comes across strongly in the music. This is not for the faint of heart and those who don’t appreciate Noise should stay well away. The closest comparison I can think of is something like Ruins, which has the same arrangement of drums, bass and vocals. But Ruins is nowhere near the suffocating darkness of this album. The best way to listen to this music is from the safety of your thaumaturgical circle, with all your strongest wards in place to keep the demons away.

"Still No Rest Cause We're Not Finished Yet"

Album: Bayani
Artist: Blue Scholars
Genre: Hip-Hop/Rap
Year: 2007
Label: Mass Line Media

The Physics are fun and Grayskul is dark, but the Blue Scholars are another story entirely. Composed of Geologic (Rhymes) and Sabzi (Beats), the Scholars are the people’s Hip-Hop duo. Singing proletariat blues calling for social reform and empowerment of the people, the Blue Scholars have been called the Northwest’s finest, and thier album, Bayani, is a testament to that statement. This album is unique for a couple of reasons, but the one that stands out for me is this: This is the first Hip-Hop album I’ve ever heard without a single guest. Even Atmosphere’s God Loves Ugly had a track featuring I Self Divine. But here, it’s just Geologic and Sabzi holding their own, on their own.

Geologic is the voice of the Scholars, and what a voice indeed. While some rappers take the abstract route to storytelling, Geologic has a very direct way of explaining things. His voice is clear, crisp and completely calm. His subject matter is varied and deep, covering everything from the pain of immigrants (The Distance) to debating whether to give up riding the metro bus in favor of a car (Joe Metro.) His stories are all very accessible, making his pain and joy easily felt by the listener. Sabzi is the music of the Scholars and his production is also very accessible while remaining interesting and unique. His beats are unfettered and simple, and the samples he uses range from funky bass lines to dramatic piano phrases. It’s cool, because it’s not like mainstream Hip-Hop where the production is all glam, but it’s also not the gloomy minimalism of Grayskul or the abrasive machine funk of EL-P. It’s music for the people that’s uplifting and down-to-earth all at the same time. The combination of these two elements, Geo and Sabzi, makes for fantastic listening.

But just because Sabzi’s beats are head-bobbing goodness doesn’t mean that all is right with the world. The Scholars tackle serious matters in their songs and Geologic is one of the smartest, most explicit (I don’t mean swearing) political rappers I’ve ever heard. This is evidenced by tracks such as “Back Home” which is a direct comment on the Iraq war and the harrowing “50K Deep” which tells the tale of the WTO protests that took place in Seattle on November 30, 1999. It’s a brutal story to those who know it and Geo’s account is particularly memorable. It’s probably the best track on the album and makes one wonder if we’re really living in the democracy we’re purported to be.

This album has not been easy to review because I’m afraid I’m not doing it, or the Scholars, justice. I can’t find anything bad to say about it; it’s flawless. Geologic and Sabzi are the cream of the crop when it comes to Northwest Hip-Hop and you will be a better person for going out and buying this masterpiece.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It: The Dark Heart News Of Aesop Rock

Album: None Shall Pass
Artist: Aesop Rock
Genre: Hip-Hop/Rap
Year: 2007
Label: Definitive Jux

My original introduction to Definitive Jux records was through the El-P album I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead. On the album were two tracks featuring guest appearances from two other Def Jux artists: Cage and Aesop Rock. Because of this, I will forever think of these three artists as the individual parts of a triad: El-P is paranoid, Cage is gross and Aesop Rock is weird. Born Ian Bavitz, Aesop Rock is one of Def Jux’s best and strangest artists and a personal favorite of mine in the Hip-Hop world. What makes him a favorite are the bizarre, often surreal lyrical themes the man surrounds himself with. Half of the time I couldn’t begin to tell you what it is he’s rapping about but I like it. He’s not like abstract rapper Busdriver, who is often nonsensical. Like his namesake, Aesop Rock tells stories. Odd stories, strange stories, but stories none the less. Deciphering them is the fun part, as the imagery he creates is something else.

None Shall Pass is thus far my favorite Aesop Rock album and features some of the best production that he’s had so far. Rock’s main collaborator in the production world is Blockhead, who produced almost the entirety of his Labor Days album. He returns here for seven tracks while Rock himself produces five. Other guest producers include El-P and Rob Sonic who also both rap on individual tracks. The Rob Sonic track is actually one of the most fun on the album. Rock and Sonic wax lyrical about the supernatural news service “Dark Heart News” a shout out to all those who can “levitate or bend spoons”. There are other great collaborations on the album, like “Getaway Car” on which both Breeze Brewin’ and Cage (the gross one) appear. It’s actually sort of odd. Both Brewin’ and Rock stick to the tracks plan of highlighting the woes of being stuck in a cubicle all day, but when Cage gets to the mic he goes off about his experience in a mental institution from when he was a kid. It’s not so much that it’s bad rapping, what Cage has to say is interesting; it’s just sort of off topic.

Of course, I’m only guessing at the interpretation of the lyrics here. I could have it all wrong but it’s more fun to think I know what I’m talking about most of the time. The greatest moments on this album seem to be produced by Blockhead. The title track “None Shall Pass” is a bouncing ball that you chase down the street after and “Coffee”, the albums closer, is nothing short of stomptastic and features a vocal section by John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats. Both of these tracks showcase Aesop Rock’s weirdness wonderfully too, that, of course, being the point. The album has weak points, the tracks “Fumes” and “No City” being two of them, but that’s really about it. If you like strangeness in your Hip-Hop mix, don’t pass Aesop Rock.

The System is Down

Album: Scars on Broadway
Artist: Scars on Broadway
Genre: Alternative Metal
Year: 2008
Label: Interscope

With System of a Down on a much-needed hiatus, the world finds itself with a hole that was once filled by aggressive, politically urgent music. That hole it seems is going to be filled by none other then the former members of System themselves, with each member pursuing their own projects. Serj Tankian, System’s vocalist went solo, releasing a record called Elect the Dead, which was exactly what the last two System records should have been: aggressive Metal music with Serj’s often surreal poetry complementing the whole affair. Shavo Odadjian, System’s bass player, is palling around with RZA of The Wu-Tang Clan but has yet to show us anything really concrete with his Achozen project. In the interim, Daron Malakian, System’s guitarist, has teamed up with John Dolmayan, System’s drummer, to form a new band called Scars on Broadway. The formula is to combine aggressive Metal music with politically urgent vocals. Sound familiar? On Scars on Broadways debut album, the auspiciously titled Scars on Broadway, we find Malakian doing little to deviate from System of a Down’s particular brand of Thrash Metal. But is this necessarily a bad thing? The answer is yes. As a friend of mine once said “what’s the point of having a solo project if it doesn’t sound any different from your regular band?”.

System of a Down created an excellent record in their early days and has steadily progressed backwards from there. The first album was a blend of Malakian’s Thrash Metal leanings and Tankian’s abstract, yet politically aware, lyrics. It was dark, abrasive and yet kind of accessible, probably due to Rick (The Dick) Rubin’s production. The second album was more of the same but even more accessible. System’s last two full lengths, Mezmerize and Hypnotize, were both mainly penned by Malakian, with him stepping forward to share vocal duties with Tankian. Here’s where the camels back breaks. Malakian, while able to pen an excellent riff, can’t sing like Tankian, he doesn’t even come close. Also, his lyrics tend to be more straightforward and down to earth in comparison to Tankian’s uncanny ramblings, giving the whole thing a less abstract and more unfussy atmosphere. This is what ruined the last two System albums for me, too much Malakian, not enough Tankian. Malakian was responsible as the lead songwriter on both albums for penning some of the worst songs in System’s catalogue, with Serj stepping in to save the day in only a couple of places. So my reaction to hearing that Malakian was releasing a solo album went like this: “Really? Why?”

But here’s a question, does Malakian fail as epically when Tankian isn’t around to be compared to? The answer is: kind of. Malakain still suffers from one big factor: his voice. It’s just annoying, high pitched and whiny. However good the music is completely overshadowed by the man’s petulant wailing. This is what I believe I will refer to as “Rush Syndrome” a situation where otherwise talented musicians suffer from an inept vocalist (maybe not, Rush isn’t that talented, suggestions?) The music, when taken on its own, is adequate. If you like the riffage of System then you won’t have any complaints here. That, however, is the problem. Adequate instrumentation and poor vocals combine to form even poorer music and there isn’t a whole lot of new ground being covered here. Malakian is still pissed about the system, the government, and the world and shows no signs of lightening up. And that’s fine, it’s good to be politically conscious, but that doesn’t mean you have to sing about it.
I am of the opinion that Scars on Broadway is a project with a future as every single fan of System of a Down will be sure to pick it up. But is it as good as either previous System records or Tankian’s solo album? No. Not really.

I still like Malakian, provided he doesn’t sing. The man has some musical chops that aren’t going away anytime soon. But he needs his band for them really to shine and he needs a vocalist worth backing Oh well. Maybe Odadjian’s project will bear fruit, cause this one sure didn’t.

We Carry On: The New Sounds of Portishead

Album: Third
Artist: Portishead
Genre: Down Tempo Electronica
Year: 2008
Label: Island

This is not Portishead of yore. In 1994, Portishead was one of the premier Trip-Hop acts, along with Massive Attack. Their music was informed by a Down Tempo, Jazz influenced sound, with Beth Gibbon’s unearthly vocals haunting the air. Their first album, Dummy, is a classic piece of Bristol Trip-Hop. In 1997, they released a self titled album and 1998, a live album. They then withdrew from the spotlight and performed for roughly ten years. Last year, Portishead returned with their appropriately named “Third” album. Unlike the Noir Jazz sounds of Portishead classic, this is a different animal, drawing on numerous electronic elements to form a cold and alienating whole. This album, more than their previous efforts, centers around the musical wizardry of Geoff Barrow and Adrian Utley. Beth Gibbons is still present and her vocals remain as eerie as ever, but the music she sings over is far more forward then the music of Dummy or the self-titled album.

The music of Dummy was immediately beautiful and spooky. The music of Third on the other hand, is immediately spooky, but the beauty may take time to emerge. Having eschewed the Jazz influence almost entirely, this album sounds rougher, not more rock, but more electric, with fewer samples and more raw sound, the kind you might get from a really old synth. This isn’t the only major twist though. One of the tracks, the short “Deep Water” is 1 minute and 33 seconds of Beth Gibbons and a tropical ukulele, creating one of the strangest Portishead songs ever recorded. It’s the most fun, and I do mean FUN, that you’ll ever have with Portishead and it reveals a sort of humor not normally seen in Gibbon’s sadness soaked vocals. “Machine Gun”, on the other hand, is a jack hammer of a song, with sharp, repetitive beats banging along like factory machines. It’s probably the loudest Portishead song that’s ever been committed to tape and its menacing atmosphere communicates a kind of fear that has only been hinted at in their music.

Third is nigh perfect, though it may not appeal to you in the same way that Dummy did. But this isn’t Dummy and shouldn’t be confused for it or their self-titled album. As I said before, this is a new animal, bred from blue electronics and an earth angel’s voice. Its sound is foreign, yet familiar and brings a kind of melancholy that hasn’t been felt in music for a long time. If you’re feeling blue, this album is for you.

Crack Sabbath: Better Than Your Kiss Cover Band.

Album: Bar Slut
Artist: Crack Sabbath
Genre: Jazz/Metal (sort of)
Year: 2004
Label: ???

Crack Sabbath is the best cover band that you’ll ever hear. This is not up for debate. Consisting of Seattle’s saxophone maestro Skerik, Hammond organ wizard Ron Weinstein, bass player Keith Lowe and drummer Mike Stone, the group is a veritable who’s who of Seattle Jazz power. I don’t know the group’s history, how they came together or really any details about the schematics, but it’s not for lack of trying. There simply is no information about them anywhere on the Internet. That being said, I’ll tell you what I know and hope to add something to the void of information.

As previously stated, Crack Sabbath is a cover band and the best one you’ll ever hear. I say this because, what other group could possibly produce such kick ass covers of both Charles Mingus and Nirvana tunes on the same CD? That’s right, no one. Most cover bands produce redundant music by simply playing the original work note for note without any variation or interesting contortions. But Crack Sabbath provides us with music that twists and turns so much you’ll have whip lash by the end of the album. Arguably, the best take on the album is their cover of Charles Mingus’s fantastic “Better Get Hit In Yo’ Soul” (slightly re-titled) which follows the original masterfully up until the bridge, where they break down into a cover of Black Sabbath’s Sweat Leaf. Mixing Mingus and Sabbath may sound like sacrilege, but it works out surprisingly well, the two elements brought together by master musicians. Keith Lowe is no Charles Mingus, but then again no one is and he does his best to fill his big shoes and does an admirable job. Skerik and Weinstein completely steal the show on the track, however, Skerik’s roaring sax takes center stage while being augmented by Weinstein’s manic organ. Things take an even more lunatic turn when the group tackles Nirvana’s “Breed” on which Keith Lowe’s grungy bass playing propels the track forward at breakneck pace. As good as it is, having heard the original so many times, I’m completely sick of this song and it’s cool to hear Skerik and Co. breath new life into this dilapidated carcass.

Just because Crack Sabbath is a cover band doesn’t mean they only perform covers. Four of the twelve tracks on the album are original works and all of them are utterly strange. The first is the droning “Crack of Doom” which opens the album and would make Drone Metal masters Sunn O))) proud. “Bar Slut” is a more traditional Jazz cut that demonstrates the groups compositional chops best and is the proper start to the album. The two strangest tracks though, are “Makin Out With My Dad” and “Bukkake Ducati” both of which take the Black Sabbath influence to heart giving us powerful Jazz Metal cuts that would make Ozzy Osborne blow a gasket. These are also the only vocal tracks on the album, with vocalist Brad Mowen growling his way through both of them. With Bar Slut, Crack Sabbath demonstrates some serious ambition and manages to follow through on it expertly. Some may balk at this modern group devouring and reanimating the works of Mingus, Davis and Cobain, but I’m not one of them. This album is solid and it’ll be worth your time to go to the extra effort to find a copy.

In Honor Of Oldominion's 10th Birthday Part. 2: I Think You Need A Lullaby

Album: Bleed
Artist: Smoke of Oldominion
Genre: Hip-Hop/Rap
Year: 2006
Label: Superhappywax

The Pacific Northwest is home to a vast and diverse Hip-Hop community. This is no longer news to me. One of the most interesting aspects of this community is the Oldominion collective. Comprised of over twenty odd members, Oldominion is a force to by reckoned with and features the talents of such Hip-Hop luminaries as Onry Ozzborn, JFK, Sleep, Syndel, Candidt and Smoke to name just a few. While Ozzborn and JFK have found some more recognition as the Grayskul duo, many of the other artists seem to go with little or no public acknowledgement of their work. Oldominion isn’t The Wu-Tang after all, and a lot of their music goes unheard by most people. This is truly a shame as the work I’ve heard thus far has all been pretty dope. The Gigantics debut album, Die Already, was my first exposure to the world of Oldominion. Though not an Oldominion album, it featured the talents of many members of the collective and was put together by Onry Ozzborn, easily my favorite rapper in the whole group… until now. Now, the line has been blurred by Smoke, whose debut solo album, Bleed, is giving Osborn and Grayskul a strong run for their money.

Smoke is a producer and emcee that, I think, may have crafted one of the finest Hip-Hop albums I’ve heard in months. Most of the production on this album is provided by Smoke himself, with just a few tracks being built by other Oldominion members. The sound of Oldominion, especially Smoke’s, production is becoming very familiar to me. It’s distinct, often dark and usually minimalistic in comparison to other Hip-Hop acts, with bare bone sound providing excellent backing for Smoke’s surrealistic ramblings. As an emcee he’s somewhere between the weirdness of Aesop Rock and the darkness of JFK, finding the place where they meet, and using the best elements of both worlds to his advantage. He’s also much speedier in his delivery than either of the aforementioned, words flying out of his motor powered mouth faster than a Circle Jerks song. His subject matter ranges from religion to relationships, darkness to drugs and each one is tackled with a kind of deadpan enthusiasm that reveals the powerful mind behind the wordy rhymes. This album is riddled with strong tracks like a gangster’s corpse is riddled with bullet holes. The combination of Smoke’s production and rhymes are an intoxicating concoction, which is a heady, but rewarding, brew to drink.

Easily the best track on the album is the addiction dirge of “Lullaby” with its midnight tolling clock chimes and doom saying guitar riffs. The track details Smoke’s descent into drug hell as he does everything in his power to maintain his high, disregarding everything else around him in favor of drugs. Sleepless, cold and aching he finds himself powerless, as does a girl of his acquaintance who also finds her life falling apart under the weight of her addiction. This track is chilling and quite worrisome in many ways. You hope that this tale is that of a character and not Smoke’s personal experience, because, quite frankly, it sounds like death in a bottle. But it’s also the best track on the album, combining Smoke’s mastery of production and lyrics as well as showcasing the gorgeous vocals of Yadria Brown, whose chorus adds to the hopeless atmosphere of the track.

There are other great songs on the album, like the flamenco guitars and self-deprecating lyrics of “Mudd” as well as the down tempo bass lines of the title track “Bleed” but no other track has quite the deathly cold atmosphere of “Lullaby”. For some people that’s probably a good thing, but, in my opinion, I could have stood to see more tracks in its (cold) vein. Though, again, the album is incredibly strong and “Lullaby” just happens to be its strongest moment.

This album is an excellent introduction to the Oldominion collective and a compelling document in and of its self. Smoke can hold his own and will hold your attention all the way through to the end.

In Honor Of Oldominion's 10th Birthday Part. 1: I'm An Owl In Flight!

Album: Bloody Radio
Artist: Grayskul
Genre: Hip-Hop/Rap
Year: 2007
Label: Rhymesayers Entertainment

Gloom is in the air when it rains in Seattle, and it rains a lot. Grayskul is the Hip-Hop personification of that overcast atmosphere, all dark tones and gothic lyrics. As Hip-Hop duos go, Grayskul is one of the finest and in good company being part of the Pacific Northwest’s Hip-Hop community and an offshoot of the Oldominion collective. Comprised of Onry Ozzborn and JFK, the two spit vernacular bleakness over gloomy beats, most of which are provided by various members of the Oldominion crew. This latest album, Bloody Radio, is over a year old at this point but is a strong document of this dynamic duo’s unique spin on Hip-Hop. You could call it Doom-Hop or Goth-Hop if you want to get really silly, but those are blanket terms that don’t accurately describe the eclectic mix of styles found here.

My friend Alex once said that all the best rappers have really weird voices and this is why he likes the Beastie Boys so much. Onry Ozzborn is gifted with a deep, powerful voice that carries his points across very clearly. JFK on the other hand, has a bizarre voice, very nasal pitched and a bit harder to understand. These are the primary voices on the album and they both are well complemented by the down tempo beats. The album has a very shadowy atmosphere, like wandering a city’s alleyways at night and that affords it an unusual presence in the Hip-Hop world. Every track on the album has kind of a minimalist bent to it, unlike some other Hip-Hop production which is all flash and glam, this is very subdued, not so much that it fades out of sight, but small enough not to obscure any of the voices.

Underground Hip-Hop being the collaborative environment that it can be, Bloody Radio is rife with guests, all of whom manage to lend their talents without overshadowing the stars of the album, those being Ozzborn and JFK. The list is pretty impressive actually. Cage shows up to say something nasty (as usual) on the short but sweet “How to Load a Tech” and Pigeon John ghosts his way through puppet show of “Dance the Frantic”. But the most impressive collaborative tracks come in the form of 1) the zombie apocalypse of “The Office” which has its chorus provided by the incomparable Aesop Rock and its final verse by Slug of Atmosphere, and 2) The haunting “Missing” which features not only some of Ozzborn and JFK’s finest verses, but also Andrea Zollo of Pretty Girls Make Graves singing chilling words about the loss of the soul.

The best track is number 4, the title track “Bloody Radio.” Ozzborn and JFK take time to wax out their opinions of modern radio and how it’s a cesspool of bad beats and repetitive lyrics. The track’s fast pace is different for the album, and provides one of their few shout-along choruses “What makes the world go round? THE RADIO! What makes you scream out loud? THE RADIO!” It’s the best track on an album with no real weak takes. Onry Ozzborn is quickly rising higher and higher in the musical world, being one half of Grayskul and the mastermind behind The Gigantics. What he’ll do next is anyone’s guess, but it’ll be good, I can promise you that much.

And We All Went To Heaven In A Little Row Boat...

Album: Ocean Songs
Artist: The Dirty Three
Genre: Instrumental Rock
Year: 1998
Label: Touch and Go

There’s something truly wondrous about the ocean. It’s vast, unknowable and beautiful beyond reason. The feeling you get when witnessing unknowable beauty is the same as that which The Dirty Three’s Ocean Songs evokes. The Dirty Three is composed of Warren Ellis (Violin, also of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds,) Jim White (Drums) and Mick Turner (Electric Guitar) and together they create some “Authentic Celestial Music.” Picture this: You’re drifting out to sea in a little wooden row boat. The water is calm, the air is warm, and a cool breeze blows. Overhead you can see the starlight, the sky is completely clear. Moonlight shines all around you, illuminating the dark waters. As you gently drift, you hear angels fluttering above you. The angels are singing. You feel totally at peace with yourself and the world around you. And that’s just the first track. This album is worth acquiring for “Sirena” alone, but that is not the only reason.

I’ve heard that the earlier music by The Dirty Three was more raucous, more chaotic, but this album is nothing of the sort. Completely instrumental, this music has no need for words to tell stories. The melodies are nothing if not celestial, giving one the feeling of being rocked gently to sleep by the ocean current. Not that you would want to sleep through this, I’m just saying it’s calming music. It’s like taking a shower and letting the dirt and grim wash away, leaving you feeling clean and refreshed. Although there is no real leader to The Dirty Three, Warren Ellis’s violin is definitely the star attraction here. It’s elegant and captivating, steering the course of the album. Mick Turner and Jim White provide the groundwork for the album, allowing room for Ellis to work his magic.

White’s masterful brush drumming is especially gifted, providing the glue that holds the band together. He and Turner are not just background musicians and have more then their fair share of limelight, but to me, Ellis is the man. His playing is considerably different here then it is with The Bad Seeds. There he is furious and frenzied, but here, he is cool and calm, completely serene by contrast. It is a testament to his abilities that he can so effortlessly shift between the worlds of serenity and rambunctiousness, without carrying over any evidence of the other.

This album doesn’t really have that many flaws. The theme may get old for you after awhile, but if you bought an album of “Ocean Songs” and then want to hear something about the Gobi Desert that’s your own problem then isn’t it? This album is a masterful work of art and you should acquire it at once. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m still lost at sea and have a little while left before I find my way home.

Oh, My Pounding Head: The Information Overload Tactics Of Lightning Bolt

Album: Wonderful Rainbow
Artist: Lightning Bolt
Genre: Noise Rock
Year: 2003
Label: Load

When people think of duo bands, the first ones that come to mind are the White Stripes or the Black Keys. People with this conventional (and color coordinated) understanding of minimalist music are going to be woefully under-prepared for the thunderous chaos of Lightning Bolt. Lightning Bolt is a Noise Rock explosion from Providence, Rhode Island, and they generate more raw sound per member then the entire line-up of Broken Social Scene put together. Composed of drummer Brian Chippendale and bassist Brian Gibson, the duo propel forward at maddening velocity smashing into everything in their way. The sound is like a thousand imploding buildings crashing down all around you at high speed. Chippendale’s drumming doesn’t have an immediately distinct sound like some drummers, but it is frantic but controlled, occasionally reminiscent of drummers like Zach Hill, whose band Hella actually shares some similarities with Lightning Bolt, being another Noise Rock duo.

But where Hella is guitar and drums, Lightning Bolt relies on Gibson’s unusual and rhythmic bass playing. Tuned to cello standard tuning, Gibson’s warped and processed bass is often mistaken for a guitar, but this is not so. I actually thought it was a guitar the first time I heard it and was surprised to discover my error. Together, these two elements of the bass and drums are like mixing volatile chemicals together, producing a combustive result that’ll blast you out of your boots.

One of the stranger aspects of Lightning Bolt’s music is the incorporation of vocals into the mix. Chippendale is also the group’s vocalist, no easy task as he’s already drumming like a lunatic. But he sings, or rather, howls his way through most all of their music. Instead of a normal microphone, Chippendale sings through a contact microphone, taped inside of the mouth of a gimp mask he wears while performing. The sound it creates is like that of a man screaming for his life while slowly asphyxiating from too much whipped cream. It’s disturbing, but ultimately complements the anarchic music.

Despite the abrasive connotations of Noise Music, most of this album, Wonderful Rainbow, is pretty melodic, in its own special way. All of the tracks have grounded structure and even hooks you can sink your teeth into with the notable exception of tracks like “30,000 Monkies” which is just controlled demolition. My favorite takes are tracks like the rumbling cruncher “Dracula Mountain” and the head-banging, finger tapping nightmare of “Crown of Storms”. Lightning Bolt have expressed displeasure with the recording process, but they make excellent albums so I don’t see where there’s a problem.

It may take awhile to find the hooks and, admittedly, I was uncertain about the prospect of Lightning Bolt when I first heard about them, but I’ve grown to love their bizarre blender music. Paraphrasing from Steve Albini “It’s the best alarm clock you’ll ever have” and I do believe it.

Bauhaus: Gone Away Again

Album: Go Away White
Artist: Bauhaus
Genre: Gothic Rock
Year: 2008
Label: Bauhaus Music

So, somehow in the midst of my gloomy sleep deprived ravings, I managed to completely miss the Bauhaus releasing a new album in March of 2008. There must have been absolutely no fanfare about the release because I just found out about it less than a month ago. What the hell, guys? I know you’re Gothic Rock legends from beyond the void but the least you could have done was tell me! Maybe it was just Seattle because I asked a friend of mine if she’d heard about Go Away White and she was just as shocked as I was. She also said she was excited. So was I.

The Bauhaus, for those of you not living with the bats in the cave, were the original Gothic Rock band. They were the first to combine dark atmospheric rock with horror movie lyrics to create the gloomy sound that would later be adopted by dozens of other bands. If you want to argue this point, saying something to the effect of “no, Joy Division and Siouxsie and The Banshees came first” you’d be right, but you’re still wrong. Yes those groups (barely) preceded Bauhaus, but they were Post-Punk bands and could be termed “Proto-Goth” but that just sounds silly. Joy Division were gloomier than Bauhaus any day of the week, but with them it was utterly serious, no humor or camp to take the edge off. And Siouxsie was a punk, there’s no getting around this. For god’s sake she was a Sex Pistols groupie before she did anything of musical importance and even then it took her time to escape the three-chord confines before she started to develop her own spooky sounds. But I’m off topic.

The Bauhaus re-united in 2005 to tour and soak up some of the glory that had been withheld from them the first time around. It must be nice to see history vindicate your music, proving that you were doing something of integrity and originality way back when everyone else thought you were cracked. On the other hand, it must be disturbing to look back through time and see all the bands that have come and gone, trying to ride your vampire cape tails all the way back to the coffin you crawled out of. Anyway, the Bauhaus returned to a world that welcomed them back with open arms. They toured with Nine Inch Nails and by themselves and took on such venues as Coachella Music Festival before returning to the studio for the first time in over twenty years to record Go Away White, the first album they’ve ever released without a significant amount of black on the cover. In fact, it’s completely white, with an angel seeming to fade away into the cover, which is, of course, an artistic representation of the title.

I’ve managed to get this far and not even mention the music, so lets talk about that. Go Away White stands up well in comparison to the Bauhaus small discography of twenty years prior, which is incredibly impressive for a band to do, return like this and create work that’s still relevant. Some bands spend years creating crap album after crap album, trying to regain their former glory. But Bauhaus aren’t trying to recapture their former glory with this album, rather, they’re creating something new that remains strictly Bauhaus to its dark core. And in that they have succeeded. You won’t find any “Dark Entries” on this album, try as you might to find them, but that’s OK, because we have “International Bulletproof Talent” with its catchy chorus and attention grabbing guitar riffs. We also have the haunting “The Dog’s A Vapor” which is as chilling as “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” or “Hollow Hills” ever were. It may be even creepier then either of those takes if that’s possible to believe, as Peter Murphy just takes off on this track, his voice echoing throughout the piece, infiltrating every nook and cranny of your poor abused psyche. It’s like that moment in a horror movie where the creature is revealed and one of the cast is too scared to run away and is disemboweled because of their lack of initiative.

Peter Murphy’s Bowie-esque vocals are at the center of this album, the rest of the band flitting about him like bats in the night. David J and Daniel Ash are as talented as ever, both of the weaving seamless darkness over Kevin Haskins post-punky drumming. This could have been a new beginning for the Bauhaus but instead it’s the end, the final note of the last song is that last you’ll hear of the Bauhaus as they’ve disbanded, for the last time. Why? Who knows, these things happen. And they’re not Killing Joke so don’t get your hopes up for another reunion. But ultimately, it’ll be OK. We still have In The Flat Field and Mask, and now we have Go Away White as well. While you may never see the Bauhaus live again, you can celebrate their death, so to speak.