And For My Next Trick, I Will Make Everything Go Very Slowy

Album: Houdini
Artist: Melvins
Genre: Sludge Metal
Year: 1993
Label: Atlantic

It’s been a week and I haven’t written shit. So, in the spirit of getting my ass in gear and writing something, I’ve decided the best course of action would be to pick an album and jump write, I mean right, in. How to pick though, I have so many albums it’ll make your head spin. I could compile my own list of albums you must hear before you die based on my collection alone and you’d be set for life. But we’re not here to talk about me (fascinating as I am,) in fact, you’re not here to talk at all, you’re here to listen. So listen to what I have to say about Houdini (the Melvins album not the man.)

Houdini is the Melvins at some of their sludgy best. You play this with your bass cranked high and it hits you like a sledge hammer… a big muddy sledge hammer. Atlantic records probably had no idea what they were getting into when they signed the Melvins. They probably saw them as their chance to capitalize on the grunge phenomenon sweeping the nation at the time. Thank god (take your pick) that the Melvins A) aren’t and have never been grunge and B) are so indomitably weird that nothing, not even major label bad juju could set them straight. King Buzzo is probably, along with Mike Patton and Les Claypool among the strangest people in modern music. It’s nearly impossible to tell what the man is saying a majority of the time, but that doesn’t really matter because it’s usually gibberish anyways. The lyrics make so little sense in fact, that they probably comprise some very wonderfully Dadaist poetry. But the music is the ultimate solution with this band. Again, it’s sludgy, slow and heavy. Dale Crover’s drums are like the beats of the fourth horseman of the surreal barring down on you from out of the mouth of the bog… or, to be less arty, they’re very heavy and very good. Lorax (the Melvins are incapable of keeping a bass play for too long) chugs alongside Buzzo and Crover, providing a steady stream of mucky bass lines that’d slow a cheetah if it were to run in front of them.

Kurt Cobain supposedly produced this album, but from the sound of it probably just sat around getting high while the band played on (seriously, I don’t see his influence here at all.) Moving on, this is some of the Melvins more structured work, actual songs rather than doom metal splatter bombs. Some of these actual songs are: “Hooch” the crunchy opener and ridiculously catchy for some inexplicable reason; “Night Goat” the bands sludgy pinnacle of the album; “Goin’ Blind” a Kiss song (Q: no! A: Yes!) Which the band completely remakes into their own deranged love (well… not really) song. Other excellent tracks are “Honey Bucket” which I know is completely obvious to anyone who knows the Melvins but it’s a damn fine song; “Sky Pup” One of the Melvins less structured more psychedelic sludge bomb tracks, featuring Lorax at her finest; and “Spread Eagle Beagle” a ten minute percussion jam that closes the album. It’s a bit hard to listen to all the way through sometimes, but showcases Crover’s drumming beautifully.

The truth is the whole album is pretty much fantastic, with no real weak points. The Melvins were (for some reason) hugely influential on the grunge movement and with this album put every single grunge band from Nirvana to Alice in Chains to shame. This to me is beautiful.